"Come on Krissy!"  The boy was saying, "You don't remember me!?"  Though I felt bad, his reaction made me smile.  I honestly couldn't remember his name. "No!" I replied, "I do remember you, I just can't put a name with a face."  He frowned at me.  I still couldn't stop smiling.  That's just the way I felt around that boy.  I couldn't help but smile.

"It starts with a 'K'." he said hopefully.  I sighed and closed my eyes...What boy names started with a "K"?  My mind was racing with names and faces.  I thought of all the fun I had in World History with the nameless boy sitting across from me at lunch.  When I opened my eyes, he was staring at me hopefully.  I stared back apologetically.  He sighed.  I watched his shoulders slump and I immediately felt awful. "He always has apples in his pockets." my friend Travis chimed in.  I laughed...that was one of the things I had remembered about the boy.  That was how we met.  He had been passing an apple back and forth between his hands in World History.  I saw him from across the room and started cracking up.  He didn't notice me at first...but when he did, he started laughing too.  After the class, he introduced himself.  Why couldn't I remember what he had said?
"That's not going to help." the boy replied in response to the apple comment.  I felt terrible so I did my best to make him laugh.
"Crabapple?"  I asked.  It was silly, I know, but it was my best shot.  It worked.  He laughed.
"That doesn't even start with a 'K'." he said smiling.
"Oh first you criticize my memory, now you're criticizing my spelling?" I teased.  He continued to laugh...along with everyone else at the table.
Ever since then, the name just stuck.

In no disrespect to his memory, Kaleb Payne just wasn't Kaleb to me.  He was always Crabapple.  Silly memories like that are what keep me going in his absence.   He was the most amazing person I've ever met.  I feel sorry for the people that didn't know him.  They really missed out on a gift from God.

When I was informed of the accident, I was upset because I hate hearing about things like that.  I had no idea a saint had been in that car.  I saw the wreckage and immediately prayed for the family of the victim.  

The next day at school, all I heard in the hallway was "Kaleb Payne."  The name sounded familiar, but once again, I could not place a name with a face.  I couldn't pin the name of the victim on the boy I knew as Crabapple.  It just didn't seem to fit.  When I was walking in the hallway after lunch, I noticed Crabapple wasn't there.  I think it hit me then, but I didn't want to put two and two together.  "Maybe he's sick."  I told myself.

The day stretched on and still, I heard his name everywhere I went.  I don't think I'll ever forget it again.  A dark cloud seemed to hang over the students of West Forsyth High School, maybe that was just my own mind reacting to the accident.  Some of the people seemed all right.

When I arrived at school Friday morning, all of my friends were crying.  To my horror, my image of Crabapple and the name Kaleb Payne grew closer together as he still was not there.  I refused to let the name touch the frame I'd placed around his image in my mind.  I didn't want to accept it.  I turned away from my friends and battled the gnawing fear growing in my stomach.

I tried to get through the day, ignoring the constant group of people asking if I was all right.  It wasn't Crabapple.  It couldn't be.  People even brought yearbooks to school to try and get me to look at his picture.  I refused.  I knew if I saw his picture with the name Kaleb Payne underneath it, I would lose it.  I had to keep it together.

The announcements came on and you could immediately tell who in the broadcasting class had known him.  No one sounded like they had before.  The announcements started out like they did any other day, but they somehow felt different. 
"Let's take a moment of silence to remember Kaleb Payne." the announcer said solemnly.  My mind was screaming "NO! NO! NO!"  I closed my eyes quickly.  I couldn't bear to see the picture. 

In the end, I was helpless.  My eyes flew open and I saw Crabapple's smiling face and the words "In Loving Memory of Kaleb Payne. 1992-2008".  That's when it really hit me.  I couldn't stop it.  The tears started pouring down my face.  I don't know if I was making those awful sounds that people do when they cry.  I couldn't hear.  I couldn't think.  I couldn't see. 

I want to express my sympathy for the family.  I know my pain cannot even come close to matching theirs.  As much as it hurts me, they're suffering more.  The faculty at West Forsyth is doing everything they can for the students...but who's taking care of the family?  They need help too.  I keep praying that God will somehow ease their pain.  I really don't know how else to help. 

Kaleb was truly precious to the world.  It's not fair that he was taken like this.  I just hope he didn't hurt.  I heard he was unconscious from the start and probably didn't feel a thing, but that doesn't make me feel any better.  He's still gone.  There's still a piece of my life missing.  That will never be the same.

What hurts the most is the fact that this was, without a doubt, an accident.  It could have been avoided.  A promising future didn't have to be destroyed.  I'm hoping that anyone who reads this will learn from it.  Life is unpredictable.  Looking back, I never thought I'd have to live my life without Kaleb in it.  I'm sure no one ever saw this coming.  The real world is deadly.  Man and machine are not one.  They're not supposed to be, but they're forced to act as one to get humans through their every day lives.  

I wish that everyone else in this world was more like Kaleb Payne; sweet, funny, caring, compassionate.  The list goes on and on.  He didn't deserve this, not in the least.  But I hope that others can learn from his death.  I know he would want that.  He would want his passing to have a purpose.  He always wanted to help people. 

Kaleb, you did make a difference in my life.  I wish I could still see your smiling face in the hallway, but I know I have to accept this.  You'll still be with me wherever I go.  I love you...Crabapple.

Funeral services for Kaleb Joshua Payne will be held on Monday, October 6, 2008, at 1:00 pm at Cumming Second Baptist Church. Internment will follow at Sawnee View Gardens.

Visitation will be held on Saturday, October 4, 2008, from 12:00 pm - 9:00 pm and Sunday, October 5, 2008, from 9:00 am - 9:00 pm at Ingram Funeral Home in Cumming, GA.

All students and staff of West Forsyth High School are invited to attend services on Sunday, October 5, at Cumming Second Baptist Church to honor Kaleb's memory. Services will begin at 11:00 am. Cumming Second Baptist Church is located on Veteran's Memorial Blvd. in downtown Cumming.