Fed up with being ostracized by her owners for fertilizing the carpet, Jezebelle, a local English Bulldog, is fighting back.  She believes domesticated animals should be afforded the same indoor plumbing accommodations enjoyed by bipeds, a term used by canines and felines to describe humans.

“They (bipeds) think they’re the only ones that deserve a little privacy,” growled Jezebelle.  She went on to complain about the physical discomforts associated with relieving her self in bad weather.  “Its not like I can carry an umbrella.”

Jezebelle isn’t alone.  A recent survey suggests 83% of domesticated animals have issues with taking their business outside.  Some, like Jezebelle, object because of seasonal or weather related elements.  Others, such as Rex, a Golden Retriever who resides in a Coal Mountain subdivision, are afraid of the dark.  “Early morning and late at night are really bad for me,” howled Rex.  His owners countered by saying they always turn on the porch light.  “A lot of good that does,” growled Rex.  “It’s one of those low watt energy saving bulbs.  They care more about getting a lower power bill than they do about me,” he whined.

Some domesticated animals, such as cats and hamsters, aren’t subject to outside fertilizing policies, but when asked about it, most agreed their situations could stand some improvement.  “For me, it’s a matter of newspaper,” squeaked Piglet, a tan and white Guinea Pig.  I’ve got a coupon in my cage that’s been expired for ten days!”

So what are these animals doing to level the playing field with their biped counterparts?  Some, like Jezebelle, are staging sit-in protests to get their point across.  “I just don’t go outside any more,” she growled.  “Until they get me a toilet of my own, they can stock up on vinegar and baking soda.”